People You Leave Behind

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lossIf it is in regard to your own death, many say they don’t care about it but it’s the people left behind who feel the pain. Although you may be at ease with your own death, it doesn’t mean everybody else will feel the same way as you do.

This is a complex and difficult subject for people to speak openly about, especially to family and friends. Straight away a lot of people will say they don’t want to speak about it and shut this conversation down before it has a chance to be discussed.
You are right in thinking something must have happened for me to talk this way. I had a family member, who was extremely knowledgeable and realistic, die recently.


Despite that he never spoke about his own death. Although he was 84, and up until the last two years he kept in extremely good health, I think he might have thought he was too young to die and would cope, as he always had done in the past, with whatever came.

He planned for everything which was important for my peace of mind in regard to the management of my families requirements.
My mother is in a nursing home in another state and, because I am a quadriplegic with no speech, I cannot take care of her affairs or even discuss with the management any irregularities that might arise concerning her care or financial affairs. He did all that for me and I was never concerned because I had the utmost faith in him.

I knew the decisions he made were always for my mother’s benefit and well being. He had a considerable amount to contend with as my sister was also under medical care with many appointments’ to attend. This was never obstacle for him. Not once did I ever hear a complaint from him.

Over the last year especially he must have known how ill he was but that didn’t even slow him down. There were always things more important than his own health to deal with.

He was on the move constantly and there was no slowing him down. He made one more trip with his wife (my sister) to Queensland from Victoria by car to see me. To no avail I tried to talk him out of it because I knew he was putting on a brave face by travelling so far.

Once he had made up his mind about something there was no way to reverse his decision. To my dismay he drove over about 5 days to get here. That trip I think was what accelerated his condition. The plan was to stay for three weeks but they were only here 3 days when he presented himself to the local hospital (having great difficulty breathing ) and, as sick as he was, he had to return to Victoria where he knew he would have to go into hospital there.

He had wanted to be treated by the medical team who knew him and the doctors up here thought that was a good idea but I am sure they had no idea he was to drive home with his wife who depended on him for many of her own needs. I was so worried until I had the news that they had arrived safely.

Eventually the illness progressed to a point that put him in hospital permanently. Over a reasonably short time he faded away until there was no turning back. He succumbed to the illness and passed away.

His life had a impact on so many, which made me consider the effect of a death on the people left behind. As much as I miss him so dreadfully, I am glad though that there is no more pain or discomfort for him.

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